I went to a commercial audition today in my pajamas.  For the record, I don’t condone leaving the house in your PJs.  I also can’t cosign on showing up at any hotel’s continental breakfast in your “jams.”  I mean, even sweatpants are barely acceptable, barely.  No one is asking you to doll up just to wolf down some cinnamon rolls but you’re not at home.  Also, you don’t look as cute as you think you do in your plaid onesy.  I was in my PJs as per the casting call.  Wait, maybe the scores of young women I’ve seen wearing sleep wear in the airport, hotels and on the streets were all on their way to an audition.  Let’s hope.

A women came in with two children, both adorable, one wearing shoes that squeaked with every step she took.  This little girl was in essence wearing rubber ducky shoes.  She also seemed to really enjoy running. Or maybe it was the noise she loved and the running was merely a means to an end.  One minute you’re mentally preparing your motivation for loving your new mattress so much and how to sincerely convey that to your fake wife and the next you’re conjuring all your mental power to try and block out incessant chirps.

Now, being a New Yorker I can actually block out most sounds.  I can also sleep standing up on a moving train and even doze off on a stationary bike while my legs keep spinning right round baby right round.  So blocking out the marching toddler wasn’t incredibly difficult.  What I couldn’t get my hands around was the parent choosing to take her daughter into a not only public but professional situation as a noisemaker.  A noise that isn’t exactly cherished among the masses at that. Will this little girl not leave the house without her tweet-steppers? Does the mom assume everyone simply has to find her child as infallible as she does?  Maybe she’s become so good at blocking out the noise that she thinks everyone is? Perhaps the mom mistakenly transposed the old adage, “Children are to be seen and not heard.”

I could come up with possible reasons for hours but none will justify her decision to inconvenience people at work as well as the very people she was hoping would hire her children.  I was intrigued by the mom’s decision.  I was appalled by how casual and unforgiving she was with said decision. I wish I knew where she lives.  I’d park my car in front of her house and blast the Ying Yang Twins.  Of course, I’d get arrested.

I guess the only practical reason I can come up with for putting shoes that squeak on your child is to hear if they walk away too far.  Given that millions of people leave the house every day with non-squeaking kids a

nd seem to keep track of them kind of blows that flimsy reason out of the water.  If you need to keep tabs on your child that badly then go with a lease.  I don’t love that either but at least it’s a silent way to curb your child.  In the end, it’s much better to curb the parents.  It takes a village to shame parents into raising their kids correctly.

This is a real thing.  Perhaps they should also encourage parents to use the shoes at home.

Toddler Squeaky Shoes Ban