I have a thing for catching the first flight out in the morning. Especially on return flights. Dwayne Past is a real go getter. He wants to get home early and hit the ground running.  Maybe finally fix the patio door. Or stain that bookcase or after hitting the ground go for an actual run. Future Dwayne wishes he would cut it out. Getting home early from a gig seems like such a good idea right up until after you’ve done your last show for the weekend. It’s midnight and the waitstaff wants to hang and you’ve got a 6am flight. This is around the time when the waitstaff and fellow comics give me incredulous looks and Future Dwayne knows Dwayne Past has screwed him again.

Dwayne Past may wanna slow his roll. I was rushing around my hotel trying to make an obnoxiously early flight in Indianapolis. I’m a pro at packing but even pros will flub on occasion. I mean Jordan missed dunks. He did. Look it up. I suppose I’m going on about it to make my case and to justify what comes next…

I left my Ipad in the hotel room!! The sad thing is I didn’t even notice until after I landed and got a text from the Comedy Club. The hotel retrieved it and needed my address to mail it to me. You just have to love the Mid West.  And you really have to love the Hyatt at Keystone Crossing. You guys spared me much pain. My family gave me that Ipad and it has a very special inscription on the back.  As much as I felt like a dweeb for leaving it I felt even more lucky and humbled that it was going to be returned.

I also need to give a very appreciative nod to Fedex. See the Ipad was delivered to the wrong address. That’s not nod worthy but what is nod worthy is that when I went to Fedex to ask what gives, they told me the exact address it had been delivered to. I think it was one of those deals where someone at the hotel’s 4 look like a 1. That combined with the address on the package being the 3rd or 4th carbon copy contributed to the deliverer dropping my beloved Ipad to the wrong person. I was floored by Fedex’s system. To actually know not only that it was delivered but where it was delivered?  Impressive. I was ready to go to war with a neighbor because I got his package a few days earlier so I figured he must’ve received my Ipad. Actually it was delivered to a completely different complex on my block.  And a third thanks to my neighbor up the street who held on to my Ipad and did not even open the package. You could almost write a screenplay that follows my Ipad’s journey and the people she encountered. Okay maybe just a short story but the whole thing was quite taxing and the sigh of relief when I finally got it back was almost cathartic. If you love something set it free in a hotel room if three people and two companies have to all act in an exemplary way for you to get it back then it was yours to begin with?

Needless to say I’m feeling very lucky and blessed and highly considering chilling out on  booking the first thing smoking from now on.