Let’s Get Ready To Fumble

Watching non-boxers box may be the most fun a person can have. I recently watched Todd Bridges fight Vanilla Ice on youtube. You couldn’t write a funnier scenario. The first thing you realize is how tiring boxing is. Thirty seconds in and they’re both sucking up air like asthmatics doing wind sprints with burlap sacks tied to their backs.

But let’s not forget the utter lack of any discernible technique. Half the time they aren’t even facing each other and the back of head and ears get most of the punishment as the wild punches search for a home but come up short or long. The punches are like bad settlers who never get to where they intended but set up shop and declare success anyway.

Boxing is called a sweet science for a reason. And as great as it is to watch two precision boxers go at it, it’s almost as much fun watching two plumbers throw erratic hay makers at each others’ earlobes. Sometimes you want Fresh Spinach and Mozzarella Layered Between Sheets of Spinach Pasta, with a Zesty Basil Pesto and sometimes you want Velvetta and tomato sauce on an english muffin.

Watching civilians box is even a notch below makeshift pizza. Civilian boxing is like peanut butter and jelly on saltines. Really good but not good for you.

Classic battles:
Vanilla Ice vs Todd Bridges

Screech vs Horse Shack(no fair. Horse shack is like 50)

2 thoughts on “Let’s Get Ready To Fumble

  1. Deana

    Screech vs. Shack- not a fair fight. I'd rather see Screech fight Mr. Dewey from SBTB {that man was SO deadpan!} and Shack fight a fellow sweathog {though not Travolta.} Maybe mista kot-ter.

  2. me!

    Fame is not a healthy thing for those who lack good gyroscopes. I suspect child actors are the most vulnerable to this problem. Overnight novelty musical sensations must run a close second.

    And although I peg you as too much a gentleman to say it yourself, I suspect you've seen the same problem (in lesser degrees of fame) among a few of your colleagues.

    My sense is that you are well on the road to becoming famous yourself. At some point, I think that one of your auditions, or perhaps a connection to another comic, is going to land you a role that pushes you from the almost-famous category into the famous one.

    But as long as your gyroscope keeps working as well as it seems to work at present, I don't foresee you in any boxing matches with former child stars.

Leave a Reply