Dubai Series: 4th Installment: Ballin! (Funny Blog from Comedy Central’s Dwayne Perkins)

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In between my skiing, mall runs and polo matches I was able to squeeze in some nightlife during my stay in Dubai.My hosts took me to a place called club 360.It was setup like a dark bingo hall with many long tables lined up across the room.Each table came preset with an assortment of beverages, some alcoholic and some not.Basically, to accommodate all the VIPs, it seems they’ve made the whole club a VIP section.People buy out a table.It makes it easier to get a drink but people just stand around their tables and don’t intermingle.It looks like a bunch of people dressed up to play tag and they’re all on base and no one is “it.”

With everyone balling, of course there has to be a way for some to ball a wee bit harder.And there was a way my friends.Whenever someone buys a huge bottle of champagne the music comes to a screeching halt and some gladiator type music comes on. Then the bottle, with huge sparklers shooting out from the top, is hoisted through the crowd by some yoked big bottle bearers.Some of the bottles are almost the size of a Russian gymnast.It’s a very effective way of letting the whole club know you just dropped over a grand.Okay, now I know who to ask for spare change.

Alas, the balling was out of control.Every 5 minutes a different dude, wanting to prove that he too was far from broke, kept preempting the music with a bottle purchase.There were so many bottles with sparklers, I was sure the fire alarm would go off(which I’m told has happened before, BTW).

I wonder if they would have got mad if I had ordered a water and lit my own sparkler.

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