By now most of my faithful readers know I’m high on value and low on frills, especially when it comes to my pesos. If you want to throw in frills, I won’t complain but if it means skimping on my value then watch the Brooklyn boy, well…go Brooklyn.

QSN: As the whole BK nation knows, Brooklyn can be used as a noun, verb and even adjective. I hear some dude in Red Hook uses Brooklyn as a helping verb. “He Brooklynly runs to catch the F train before it leaves the station.”

But I digress. My readers also know that I frequent hotels, from the most lavish resorts to the dingiest rat holes and everything in between. And what have I learned from all my stays? Cheap hotels are way better than expensive hotels. Before I explain I must give one small disclaimer/qualification. My theory does not apply to Über expensive all inclusive type places where sheiks and heads of states stay. The bathroom in those places is nicer than any apartment I’ve ever had. If a rich sheik says you can crash in his tub, you should jump at that offer. Plus, you can probably drop a deuce in one of his other 16 bathrooms.

My hypothesis speaks to value and applies to expensive hotels that have nice dark wood in the rooms but try to nickel and dime you every step of the way. The lavish places just charge you a grip up front so anything you want after that is free(Free? I meant, already paid for. There that’s better.) The height of the hotel is a dead giveaway that you’re going to be ala carted to near death. If I walk up to a tall hotel building and before I even get to the front desk 5 people have called me sir and 3 have offered to help me with my 1 carry on roller bag, I know I need to grip my wallet tight. These places, charge you extra for internet, the buffet is usually mediocre at best with a stellar price tag, the parking cuts into your retirement fund and you can eat from that snack bar in your room or just use your money to light an all night campfire.

Now contrast that to a rinky dink Days Inn. The room rate is less to begin with. Parking is free. In fact you probably park right outside your door. If it’s working that day, the internet is usually free. They probably have Otis Smith cookies at the front desk free for the taking and to top it off, the continental breakfast buffet is included. You get to make perfect waffles with the non stick waffle turn over thingy.* You literally cannot mess up. You pour, turn, it beeps and wala perfect waffle to go along with your juice, yogurt and assortment of cereal. Every now and then they’ll even have eggs and meat. Just avoid bed bugs and you’re getting way more bang for your buck.

* Waffle maker I’ve seen only in hotels but I’m thinking about getting one for the crib. See pic below.