MY WALLET: You’re really buying gourmet gum?! I guess you want me to be empty.
MY STOMACH: A sandwich from 7-11?! I can handle it but I shouldn’t have to! I’d rather be empty.
The latest Starbucks gum container looks like a slim cell phone. Which got me to thinking…What if I drove around holding the Starbucks gum case to my ear here in; they just implemented a hands free driving policy, California. And when the cop pulls me over I can show him it was gum all along and say…
DWAYNE: Is there a problem officer? Since when is chewing gum illegal?
Would I still get the ticket? Would the laugh be worth the beating?
If anyone wants to give this a try and report back to me, that would be awesome.
QSN: Why has gum packaging become so fancy? On the plus side it kind of makes me feel like James Bond but it’s only so long you can pretend your gum package is a GPS/stun-gun combo. At the end of the day it’s just gum. What’s next, Lipstick on a pig?

My Comedy CD
Dwayne Perkins To The Rescue
My Other Comedy CD
She Ate My Haircut