Oh My Stars

I am writing this blog from my hotel room in Dubai. You know what it is. Anyway, it’s a beautiful place and my hotel room over looks the beach and another hotel called the Burj Al Arab. It’s supposedly the world’s only 7 star hotel. Mind you, I think five stars is the highest they go. I’m not sure what they did/do to skip 6 and go straight to 7 stars. I mean my hotel is probably 4 or 5 stars and I can barely do anything myself. They’re accomodating to the point of annoyance.
Ultimately, there’s got to be diminishing returns on these stars. One, I can only imagine how much a 7 star hotel costs. (i’m not paying for my room btw. You know what it is:-) Two, the more stars you have the closer you get to not being alive or maybe being an infant. At 10 stars someone baths you and puts a diaper on you. At 11, they chew your food for you then transfer it to your mouth. 14 stars you get pushed around on a gurney all day. I mean there’s luxury and then there’s high cost butt kissing.
I never even understood turn down service. They come in your room, leave a chocolate and crease the corner of your bed spread. Ohhh, that’s how you get inside the sheets. All this time at home I’ve been sleeping on top of the comforter with a jacket on. Turn down service is like having a person just dedicated to keeping your bookmark. Ahh, I’m done with my reading tonight. Belvedere, you mind making a crease on page 216?
Turn down service is just an excuse for them to come check your mini bar. How about they make the mini bar reasonable and they won’t have to pay someone to spy on you every night. The money they lose on the 600% mark-ups they would make back on not paying the nightly chocolate spy.Maybe I would be singing a different tune if I was sitting on a heated toilet seat or had a bed that smells of Apple Blossoms and makes you have happy dreams. Maybe.
QSN:Shout out to all the great people in Dubai and all their help and kindess. Especially my driver who helped me get a power plug for my laptop.
QSN:The picture was taken from my room’s balcony. Don’t be hatin’.
QSN -Quick Side Note

4 thoughts on “Oh My Stars

  1. xok

    Quick Arabic lesson (works in Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, anyway)

    Mara-hubba – Hello
    Tay Sha Raf Na – Pleased to meet you – very respectful.
    Kay+f Halik – How are you.

    Not fronting and years ago this knowledge would have been much more impressive. I used to hang with a group of exchange students and have enough Mediterranean Arabic to be appropriately respectfully/subservient. Yea me! 😉

    Hope you have a great time.

  2. Anonymous

    Where’s the picture?
    I can’t start hatin’ until you post it!!

  3. me!

    Sounds like someone landed a cute gig.

    At 20 stars, you get to special-order the other people you come into contact with:

    “Hello, Concierge? I’m working on some material, and it would help me greatly if you could arrange to have a trans trucker in the coffee shop around 10 this morning. Also, are there any good 99 cent stores in Dubai?”

    “There aren’t? Well, if you could have one opened for me, I’d be most appreciative.”

    “Oh, that’s all. No, wait…one more thing, please. I would only like to be approached by nines and tens during my stay, and they should made to understand that I am an eleven. Thanks.”

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