I Missed The Bus (Funny blog from Comedy Central’s and NBC’s Dwayne Perkins)

The driver drove all of 8 feet and stopped at a red light. I was still talking to him in fact when a woman knocked on the door trying to gain entry. The driver waved her off and pointed at the ground to indicate he was in a non-passenger pick-up zone. To the untrained eye he was still at the bus stop. Most people on the bus spied the woman with a “sucks to be you” look. That was all the compassion and confrontation 99% of the riders could muster up when from the middle of the bus we all heard…

RIDERWHOCARED: Bumma Clot. Open da door now here.

I think most of us agreed with our high pitched Jamaican accent friend but far be it from us to tell the driver how to do his job. The driver mumbled something about double lines and not being able to open the doors in this magical zone just 8 feet from where the rest of us boarded. Problem averted right? Not exactly as the same passenger piped up again….

RIDERWHOCARED: Bumma, Open the damn door man!

I know you’re probably thinking the same thing the driver was thinking…damn this is a long light! The driver finally drove off leaving the woman to stand at the empty bus stop and wait twenty five minutes for the next bus. At this point we were all looking back and forth from the rider to the driver like it was a long match point volley at Wimbledon. The rider had stamina and as the bus pulled away he piped up again..

RIDERWHOCARED: Bumma, you have no compassion. You’ve been a very naughty boy! A very naughty boy.

This is the point I had to bury my face in my arm to conceal and stifle my laughter. The rest of the bus was uncomfortable as you would expect being in the middle of this exchange but none of them seemed thrown by a grown man calling another grown man naughty. Maybe the rider was trying to shame the driver’s inner child. Instead, he tickled my inner sophomoric frat boy. In the US naughty is reserved for people under age 10 or grown-ups with fetishes that go beyond the scope of this blog.

The mood calmed down and I got a hold of myself. But as the rider disembarked he said…

RIDERWHOCARED: Us poor people gotta stick together brudda. Ya tink the bus company cares about you? Welcome to da real World!

By the way the bus drivers in London and Birmingham are encased in protective plastic glass like a late night gas attendant.  Maybe England goes hard.