Smooth Sailing

The other day I changed in my car (not too uncommon for the actor on the go) and drove off. While driving, I felt pebbles or something in my pant legs. So I immediately get the itchies. Is it a bug? Are there hundreds of little peebles or bugs on my legs right now? The mind can play tricks on you, and once you’ve got the itchies, you really have to take off all your clothes and have a scratching and kicking fit before your mind will feel confident that there is indeed nothing on you and then stop sending the body itch signals. So, I’m driving with the itchies. I only needed a red light so I could: stop, pull down my pants, and brush emphatically. In the city of Angels, I drove twenty minutes without hitting a red light. Red lights kept turning green on my approach. To other drivers it looked like I was dancing and having a good ole time. In actuality, the radio was off and I was having an itching fit. For those of you familiar with Los Angeles, I drove from Sherman Oaks to Korea Town, all side streets, without hitting one red light. I know I could have pulled over at any point but I kept thinking the next corner is going to offer the much coveted red light. So if you’re ever late to work, put a cup full of fire ants down your pants.

3 thoughts on “Smooth Sailing

  1. Nikki

    Oh. That’ll give me the creepers all day.

    Really enjoy your comedy- I’ve seen you on Comedy Central a couple of times. Glad to find your blog, you’re a great read too!

  2. Anonymous

    That always happens to me whenever you need a red light to get something or fix something they are all green when you need to be somewhere fast they are all red

  3. sue

    aside from you being momentarily half naked in public, this post failed to cater to my excessive need to be overstimulated by desensitized extremes in order to be entertained. next time throw in something in your posts to spice it up, like a robot.
    or something.

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