I am sitting in a tea shop and just heard a song lyric from the PA system that made me whip out my Ipad and jot down a retort. The line that activated my opinion gland was in a pop song. I don’t know the song but the line was, “we argue and then forget what we’re fighting about.” Huh? If it was worth fighting for then how could you forget it? For the sake of this blog I will take the singer’s words on face value. I assure you I have never forgotten why I was arguing with someone, while I was arguing with them. I find arguing to be unpleasant so if I’m engaged in an argument it’s for a reason. Maybe not a good reason but a memorable one at least. If I’m arguing it’s to make a point, relay a sentiment. And that’s it.
Romanticizing fighting is a dangerous slippery slope. People who forget what they were arguing about were probably arguing about something that didn’t matter or arguing on a platform that didn’t really address their true concerns. Either way it’s arguing for sport and although the adrenaline rush then make-up may feel good, the scars from the fight, not to mention the unresolved real issues that still loom, don’t go away.
Arguing for sport is like taking a drug. You’ll need more and more just to level off. Arguing and stopping before resolution is like taking antibiotics but stopping too soon. The sickness is still present and now it’s stronger, even more resilient and harder to stop.
I realize that things can escalate unintentionally. But the trend is for people to say anything to save face or hurt their “competitor”. I’m sure I’ve had an issue or two that I was either incapable or scared to address with someone head on. I’m only human, flesh and blood, a man. But folks words were created for a reason. As someone who dabbles in words for a career I’m becoming increasingly frustrated with our wishy-washy relationship with the words we speak. Often times, people say what they don’t mean to seize power. Two people forgetting the argument, during the argument, are admitting it was about power and calling a power stale mate. Kudos on them for gaining perspective but how about gaining it before the plates start flying?
Usually, if I’m in an argument, I don’t stop because in most cases it was never about power with me. It was about truth. How can two people be diametrically opposed on a subject and then drop it without at least an acknowledgment? Probably because one or both of them never really cared that much about the said subject to begin with. Stress for stress sake. I’m okay with agreeing to disagree. That’s an acceptable resolution because it’s not saying you forgot what you were arguing about! Remember if you argue with me, it’s not a game for me. I really believe everything I’m saying. Feel free to try and change my mind but know that I will try to get some form of acknowledgement from you and simply stopping is not an option.
It’s not about winning it’s about picking your fights and if you never have to actually fight or see your fights thru, chances are you will be quite irresponsible about how many “fights” you start.
Let’s fight ‘til the end folks. Trust me, it will result in less fights.
*i’m talking about friends with issues not politics and definitely not the abortion issue. The former people know not what they speak and the latter is one side or the other and offers no middle ground.