Kentucky Derby-Less

I just spent a few days in the fine state of Kentucky.  Good times. And for all my New York and LA people who think there’s nothing to do in other parts of the country…you’re right. But there’s nothing to do in New York or LA either.  When you scale everything down, life is pretty boring. It’s supposed to be.  Just a humdrum time line with a few spikes of happiness and sadness in their respective directions.  And with any luck the high spikes outnumber the low ones.  This is true for even the rich and famous.  They eat fancier food and sleep on sheets with a higher thread count but when the smoke clears they probably sleep 6-8 hours like you, are in the bathroom 1.3 hours a day*, like you, eat 1.5 hours a day like you and so on and so on…like you.  They do vacation in better places…way better places.  But what’s a vacation except an unfamiliar place to do nothing in.

Strip malls gave me the impetus to say what I just said.  Every town in America has the same strip mall.  A Best Buy, a Bed Bath and Beyond, some discount clothing chain and there’s usually a Lowes or Home Depot across the street.  And it’s is all encased by several Starbucks.  This holds true for Los Angeles and New York.   LA just has more of these strip malls and New York has them but they’re on busy streets and encased by 20 Starbucks and 20 Ray’s Original Pizza places(all claiming to be the first)

So what’s there to do in Lexington, Kentucky or Kearny, NE…the same more or less that there is to do in New York or LA.  Just less lights and not as green salads.  I even found an Indian buffet in Lexington.

But if it’s some good ole backwards small town thinking you seek…I got some for you.  Wearing a helmet while riding a motorcycle is not mandatory in Kentucky. The worst part?  It used to be mandatory.  What happened Kentucky?  Not enough people die?  Who championed this cause?  Up in arms about preventing head trauma are we?

I’m actually okay with people not wearing helmets or seat belts and long as it means they waive all medical insurance in case of an accident and they get bumped to the end of triage.

NURSE: Rush the one wearing his seat belt up to the operating room!!…Put the one not wearing a seatbelt in the corner.  We’ll see him after we take care of Mr. Franklin’s hang nail.

Too morbid of a thought?  Surely, not more morbid than reversing a helmet law.

And to all those scooter riders I saw ridings sans helmet: It’s against the spirit of scooter riding to not wear a helmet and you don’t look any cooler without a helmet.  When you don’t have on a helmet you look like your car broke down and you’re too broke to fix it and thus are relegated to transport via scooter.  When you have your helmet on you seem like a modern day greenster who’s decided to save money while saving the environment.

Whether you’re a greenster, bad-ass or cruiser, wear a helmet. Your skull will appreciate it.

*if 1.3 hours seems like a long cumulative time to be in the bathroom know that it includes time showering, teeth brushing and saying “you talking to me?!” to the mirror

2 thoughts on “Kentucky Derby-Less

  1. Deana

    When are you finally going to get a scooter? And 1.3 hours a day in the bathroom seems like an awfully long time. Unless you're hitting up all 20 Starbucks and Ray's Original Pizza's each day…

  2. dwayneperkins

    that 1.3 hours includes showering, teeth brushing and saying "you talking to me?!" to the mirror

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