Dwayne Perkins from Comedy Central & NBC's Funny Blog. Amusing Musings

There’s a retirement home in Westwood California whose slogan is “Adventures in Senior Living.” Not to be ageist or anything but what adventures do they have in mind. The mad dash to the Jello table? Senior Macarena night? A denture treasure hunt? I’m not saying seniors aren’t vibrant and viable. Hell, they probably still knock boots. I know I plan on mixing it up with my prosthetic hip when the time comes. But when you say Adventures you just remind everyone that they are not adventures. It’s like calling a fat guy skinny. It doesn’t make him feel better. It just reminds him that he’s such a tub-o-lard that people have to go out of their way to say the complete opposite. Or maybe this senior home is serious and run their seniors through an intensive boot camp. Maybe the seniors at Westwood Horizons are the first to go in.

“We do more before the Early Bird special than most retirees do all day!”

As a cool down to a very exhilarating Tae-Bo class (that’s not the joke ), the teacher broke into the Electric Slide. Also known as the Bus Stop. He didn’t really explain it but it was fun watching all the people who didn’t know how to do it fall over themselves. And watching the folks who did know it have so much fun while not helping the others. Okay… it was fun watching the white people completely lost while the Blacks, Latinos and White Girls with braids cut the rug.

I did a show for a biblical college last week. Keep it clean young man. The show was in a big banquet hall at a country club. The president of the school prayed for the students right before I performed. In the adjacent hall a huge party was going on. So, as the president prayed Nelly’s “Hot in here” was blaring next door. You could barely hear the prayer over the beat and the people screaming. “Wanna pray… but can’t stop foot from taping…” I would have given anything to see the Pastor to break into a freestyle prayer.

“Hot in here” seemed eerily coincidental. Like, hell is only a banquet hall away. “It’s getting hot in here…so repent all your sins…”

I went to a bar last week with some friends. As a non-drinker, I always feel a little out of place. Luckily this place had Funky Monkey, my favorite bar video game of all time. What bars don’t make from me on drinks they more then make up for with Funky Monkey. I spent at least 1 hour of the 3 we were there playing Funky Monkey. I just hope they don’t have Funky Monkey at my wedding reception.
“Baby, I love you so much…I could dance with you forever…Listen could you come get me right before we cut the cake. That high score is coming down baby!”